The horrors of aging

According to most articles, aging encompasses spiritual growth in a degenerating body. OK, I said degenerating body. I look at mine. That's what I see. Sad. Depressing. Is there an upside?

There is a famous scientist/doctor (whose name I forget), who has a famous white beard. My point is that he likens human aging to the aging of whisky, cheese, wine. Aging makes them better, richer, smoother. I'm none of those.

What's on my mind, sadly, is those blank spots that are appearing in my memory banks. I'm a school librarian with about 200 students who come see me each and every week. There are some names I never remember. Lately, I look at some of those children and do not even recognize them.

Last week at a local chain store, I ran into someone from high school. Recognized her right away (that's a surprise), but not her name. When she told me, it didn't even whisper a syllable of familiarity. I still don't know who she was. Yet. Yet she said I called her by name at our first reunion (the 20th), the only one I attended. We just had our 45th one--wow, that makes me old!! I saw some photos on MySpace. I'm glad I didn't go. We all look so--well, let's just say--our age. I'm just trying to make sense of this aging thing and, so far, not!


My favorite line in literature comes from "Slaughterhouse-Five" by Kurt Vonnegut. When Billy Pilgrim's gram calls him near, he thinks she is about to impart significant advice before she dies. Instead, she whispers in Billy's ear: "How did I get so old?"

How did I get so old? By living. One day at a time. One week. One month. One year. When will I marry? Have kids? Send the kids to college? Retire? I married twice--marriage is not a safe haven!! No children. Who will take care of me when I can't? Do we really wish our lives away--waiting for all those things?

I retired from public schools seven years ago. It is deeply disorienting to lose one's sense of self after 34 years on the job. I didn't know who I was any more. Got a job as a librarian in a private school. After 4 1/2 years, I still don't feel secure as a librarian. I'm not very good because I cannot get my head wrapped in that job mode with little children (I was a high school teacher in that other life.) I'm looking forward to my second retirement.

Who will I become next? I want to reinvent myself like Madonna and Britney--well, not exactly as they did, but the concept of reinvention. Work in a plant nursery, a bookstore, a world market, a framing shop, anything that does not make me accountable for anyone but myself.

For real information on aging, please visit:
http://www.healthinaging.org/agingintheknow/chapters_ch_trial.asp?

Friday Evening

It is Friday evening. I'm still at school, still working. What is there to do when I go home? I say that stressfully because there is plenty to do. Here's my weekend agenda:
1. Work on de-cluttering.
2. Drill holes at bathroom window to hang sconces to hold two six-foot scarves, one sheer, sparkly bronze, the other sheer white.
3. Begin sewing Roman shade for other bathroom.
4. Hang shower curtain.
5. Clean water marks on laudry room ceiling. Let dry, then put on primer coat.
6. Paint shelves for cabinet converted from a chest.
7. Put things back in drawers painted and dry now.
8. Put poster in poster frame and hang.
9. Continue to de-clutter.
10. De-clutter area around iMac. Install iPhoto program. Download card. Edit photos and add to blog.
11. Continue cleaning out closets.
12. Go through kitchen cabinets and discard all items never used, regardless of quality.
13. Clean out area around wall in spare bedroom and paint one wall. Let dry. Put things back. Continue around each wall until room is painted.
Amendment: Prime, paint, paint each wall.
14. Remove old litter, wash pans, put in fresh. Wash all cat beds and towels.

How far will I get? Through Sunday?

Updating my computer!!

Yikes!!

What have I done?



“All parts should go together without forcing.  You must remember that the parts you are reassembling were disassembled by you.  Therefore, if you can’t get them together again, there must be a reason.  By all means, do not use a hammer.”
– IBM Manual, 1925 

Step One: Update my G4 Mac from OSX 10.2.6. Can I go straight through all other OS programs--Panther, Tiger, and the other cats and just ante up Leopard? Will I lose anything?

Step Two: Purchase external hard drive to copy all files to.
Problem: My 10.2.6 would not speak with the external drive--incompatible! You would think internal parts would not be so snobby, but there it is! I took my little external to school to see if it would speak with the library computer. Yes, they made friends right away, to my disgust!!

Step Three: Eureka!! I am cleaning house after learning how to de-clutter from a book I bought. Guess what I found? The Panther OS X 10. 3!! That's a whole step up. Downloaded it and saw immediate improvements but not enough to find the a real update. The external drive still was distant and so were all the cats!

Step Four: The more I did to update, the less cooperative the computer became.. Finally, I made another major decision: I would leave my old dial-up that always drove me mad with its slow delivery system and hire a high-speed service. So I did.

Step Five: Downloading the high speed internet. I put the CD in the drive and began early one morning. Gummed up the works in about 10 minutes. That download was not going to happen. Called technical support and whined and complained. The nice young lady took pity and booked me for a technician the next morning. Actually, I received a mysterious, preprogrammed phone call about an hour later, explaining that the technician would appear between 5 am and 11 am. Yes! Five am? Was this a legitimate report or the recorded voice of a home invader? Oddity! A little leeriness!

Step Six: Capture two birds with one hand. Download the installer, follow directions. I did both. Call the plumber to come at the same time to change out the old kitchen faucet for the new one I recently bought. Plus, he needed to adjust the stopper in the sink in the small bathroom. I never use that sink because of the fast fill-up and very slow drain. Also, the drain in the big bathroom needed to be cleaned.

Step Seven: The technician comes. He says: "aboout" almost like a Canadian. I asked where he was from. "Wisconsin," he said with that nasal twang. A nice gent, but he had a little problem finding my phone connection--even high speed internet must hook up with a phone system. One step at a time, this fine young Wisconsinian addressed each issue in getting that external modum and computer to get together!

Step Eight: Success! My computer and High Speed Internet are married now!! Hope there's no divorce in sight. What a lovely invention to have right in one's own home!

Step Nine: My computer is humming along now with an updated platform that allows me to interface with Face Book, U-Tube--I get video now!! I can download music. I bought two Black-Eyed Pea songs from iTunes!

Step Ten: Out of Order, but there nonetheless. My old digital camera no longer talks to my computer. My old iPhoto program no longer interfaces with Mac OS 10.5! I can access my photos, but I can no longer add new ones to the system. You know what that means? A new camera!! Out with the old! In with the new! Well, drat. I like the old and new together!

Step Eleven: Crank up the old iMac, add the old iPhoto software, attach the old camera. Edit photos and then upload into my blogs via iMac. I think it will work, but first...

Step Twelve: There's always a glitch! I must make room to get to the iMac. It is surrounded by clutter. I will be forced to de-clutter a new area, but it's all good!!